Jan17

The Idiocy of the English Language

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The Idiocy of the English Language

If you are at all acquainted with the English language, you may have noticed some common sayings and words in there that are really silly, once you come to think of it. For example, why is it called a boxing ring when it is actually a square? Why is the load of the ship referred to as cargo, but when a truck carries a load on land, that is referred to as shipping? Actors recite a play for an audience, but then they play at a recital. See? It doesn’t make sense! But that is English, unfortunately. That is also one of the reasons why English is such a hard language to speak fluently – incorporating all its nuances. Ask me – I’ve been there. There are so many things you simply have to know.

If you want to read more about the silliness of English, there is this poem. It is unfortunately not the original one that inspired this post – that one was printed in my English handbook and I can’t find it – but most of the cartoons of this post are also illustrations from it.

 

Now, without further ado (cliché!), let’s have a giggle!

Cover

*

 

Desert

You would not believe how many “desert peaches” I’ve seen at the grocer. I always wonder if they are all sandy and dry. And I’ve also had several people ask me if I would live in a dessert. “No, I don’t think so. It would probably be very sticky. And sickly.” Then they look at me as if I’ve gone mad.

 

Hot

Cold

What the hell just happened there? Please excuse the language: I just felt that was the only suitable comment to use. Winking smile

 

Humanitarian

Yes. And if fire fighters fight fires, what then do freedom fighters fight?

 

Why do we drive on parkways…

Parkways

Driveways

… and park on driveways?

 

Pineapple

Oh. Well, I just asked the dictionary, and apparently the word “pineapple” is derived from the Middle English word for “pinecone”. The fruit seems to have reminded whoever named it of a pinecone. If you say so. I can’t say I really see the resemblance. Except maybe in the shape.

 

So sometimes the connections do make sense. A lot of the time they do not, however. But no-one can deny that English is a creative language!

 

I hope you all have a great week!

Sig2

768 Responses »

    • It can be, but it is way more frustrating when native speakers of English won’t take you seriously simply because of your status, instead of judging you on your skills.

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      • I believe English is one of the hardest languages in the world to learn. Even people who are native English speakers don’t know how to speak it (or write it) properly. For every rule, there are exceptions – and even English teachers have trouble keeping track of all of them!!!

      • That’s just personal opinion. ;) I would, of course, not let the chance pass to point out the difficulties of learning French! Which also has exceptions for every rule.

      • Chinese is the hardest language to learn and that’s not subjective.
        Here’s a great read for Elana: Never Surrender! A true story by Liliane Pelzman.
        Have a super Sunday y’all:)

      • I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been taken seriously. I hope you do not judge ALL natives according to some of your “not so pleasant” experiences. I do believe we ALL have errors and flaws but hope we can remember…to err is HUMAN. I further believe, all humans have human-like traits that are diverse in their similarities…wink.

        Bravo on your success!!

      • Ha, no I don’t. But people do sometimes take offence when you try to fix their spelling or grammar and they hear you are not a native. Oh well, I can handle it! ;)
        Thank you!

  12. Very cute and quite true. As a writer, I can say one thing: be consistent throughout a manuscript and don’t be afraid to write true to form. When people read a book, most like to read current language–

    Cute blog.

    Val
    http:valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com

    Reply ↓

  14. Here’s one I like (though no artwork to include):

    “Terror” and “Horror” mean about the same thing.
    “Terrible” and “Horrible” are good synonyms.
    So why does this not apply to “terrific” and “horrific”?

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  15. Don’t worry about this idiocy. It happens not only in English, but also in other language. Just like in Bahasa Indonesia; the word “beruang” could have dual meaning. The first one is “the one who owned (much) money” and the second is “a bear”. So, if we wrote, “Dia beruang”; it will have two ambiguous meaning. Whether He is rich or He is a bear. Confusing enough…

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  18. Irregular plurals are another great example. Why do people hate *mice* (plural of mouse) getting into their *houses* (plural of house)? Well, the answer to that 1, even though not the point, should be obvious. Why, when driving through Yellowstone NP, do you see a flock of *geese* (plural of goose), and a herd of *moose* (plural – and singular – of moose)?

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  19. Hi Elana, this is the coolest site I have ever seen to illustrate these points. I teach professional journalists and sub-editors in journalism workshops and these kinds of questions always pop up. Now I can ask them to look at your page. More, please!

    PS, In Asia, we still talk of ‘a warm welcome’ when our visitors would much prefer a cool one in this weather.

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    • Well, I’ll try. I love thinking about language, so it should be easy! I’ll be very happy if you shared it!
      Ah, I know that one very well. Here in the South we would prefer a cool welcome as well! ;)

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  21. Hey, in French potatoes are literally “apples of the earth.”
    I love this, and I’m quite thankful English was my first language because learning it now would be extremely difficult, due to all these silly things.

    Great post :)

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    • Awesome! I’ve also done copyediting, and it’s no fun to explain these idiosyncrasies to someone who has no idea about writing!
      I’ve enjoyed your blog for a while, so I’m glad you like mine! :D

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  24. I loved this post! I have pondered these questions many a time and enjoyed your humorous handling of them. And you’re right, if you’re not a native English speaker – it is very confusing!

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  33. It can be certainly confusing and I do wonder the same thing sometimes. There are so many words in the English language that always makes one think why a certain thing is called what it is called.

    But that’s why it’s the English language! ^_^

    Great post.

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  36. I have a theory about the “cold as hell” expression. Mind you, it is only a theory and not a very good one…but here goes. In Dante’s “Inferno,” the lowest point in Hell is the coldest–Satan is encased in ice. There are the rings that are miserably hot as well, but Hell (according to Dante’s imagining anyway) does indeed have a frozen region.

    Now, do I really believe that the people who originated and use the phrase “cold as Hell” are recalling Dante’s ice-trapped Satan? Hell no! ;)

    Great post, by the way! And congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

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    • Yes, that is a good theory. (And why do all theories like to incorporate Dante?!) ;) Another theory is that “cold as hell” could come from the Norse and Germanic myths, which had a cold Hell.
      Haha, thank you! :D

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    • How is it that when my phalanges are cold I blow on ‘em to warm them up, but when I burn myself, once again, I blow on them to cool them down? Law of Averages? Now we be speakin’ English.

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  48. Most excellent post! Often, I have pondered the English language in all it’s uniqueness only to walk away baffled by it all. Then, of course, throw into the mix people speaking the language, or rather desecrating it. Watch the movie, “Idioacracy” and you’ll really feel my pain. However as you and I are both writers, this does make for some great writing. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

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  50. Pingback: I people wonder why I just make up my own Shrimping language. « THE PRAWN DON .SPOTLIGHT. RAMBO.

  51. Pingback: Even English Is Confusing | A Bahamian In Austria

  58. I rather enjoyed this. It made me chuckle… a lot.. haha. Great sense of humor and how i can relate to the parking in a parkway.. it made sense right? ‘park’ is in its name.. Hoping to see more :) and if you could please check out my blog with a few of my friends. It seems to have slowed down due to christmas but we’re catching right up back to pace! They better or the administrator and I may have to start kicking people out. x)

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  59. That is terrific. I majored in English and taught it for a year, and I remember learning about and then teaching certain rules of English that are totally illogical. So when trying to explain the reasons for the rule, I simply said, “that is just how it is. Someone a long time ago made that rule, and we keep following it today because that is what you’re supposed to do.” I mean really: there, their, they’re, what is the point?

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    • Thanks! It is very true about the rules of English. I’m majoring in it too! :)
      In our French class, our lecturer always used the explanation “It’s there just to annoy you” for silly rules. ;)
      Exactly.

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  61. How much fun is this post!!! :o ) I Love Love Love the hell (not heaven!) out of it.
    I always liked foreign languages for that reason..less chances to get it wrong. Less words to learn. I have a friend from Mexico and it is funny to try and not speak in slang to him. It is even more funny when he looks at me like I am loco when I say something like “I could really hurt myself on that dessert!”
    Enjoy your Freshly Pressed stay and thanks for the great humor!

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  66. Wow I must admit, that was really good. You brought up a lot of points that I’ve never thought about. Especially about shipping in a truck and cargo in a ship. Also the one about driving on parkways and parking on driveways lol that was good.

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  67. If vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what’s baby oil made from?

    Going along with your pineapple is neither a pinecone nor an apple:
    there’s no butter in buttermilk
    there’s no egg in eggplant
    no bread in shortbread
    no grape in grapefruit
    no worms or wood in wormwood
    no ham in hamburger

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    • Thanks for these! Though in the “buttermilk” case, I have to point out that the “butter” could refer to the thick, lumpy bits in the buttermilk. And that it is formed in a similar way to churning butter. :)

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    • Thanks for pointing it out. Though some of these are region-specific, I know that a lot of people call the stuff on trucks cargo too. But I have also heard people say “I had it shipped up here from the coast.” Which doesn’t make sense if you look at it literally, and in any case they mean that they had it loaded on a truck. :)

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  73. That’s funny!! This reminds me a bit of Japan when “Engrish” is added to T-shirts or billboards. I’ve seen the word “Desert” used instead of “Dessert” meaning cake or a pastry slice. There’s another word for you; “Bill-boards”. Isn’t it an “Ad-board”?.

    Reply ↓

    • I always enjoy some Engrish! :D
      I just checked and apparently “billboard” is an Americanism, and “bill” can actually mean “a public notice or advertisement”. This is even though we generally think of a bill as something you have to pay.

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  74. Pingback: The Idiocy of the English Language « Cartoons & Creative Writing « Nadya Dee :: Independent Copywriter

  75. It’s like that because english is such a mix of other languages, and often times, poorly translated as well. Even the name eng-lish, supposed to be ang-lish, innit?

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    • I wouldn’t say poorly translated. It’s more how the mix of foreign influences (mostly French and Latin) were transformed to something that sounded understandable to the English. If I remember correctly, “English” comes from the Latin word “angelus” which means “angel”. Apparently, the invaders thought England so wonderful that it was a country of angels. You can also see this connection in the French word for English: “anglais”.

      Reply ↓

      • Let’s not forget the Angles and the Saxons (the Anglo-Saxons), the early British tribes. Angles – Angels – Anglais – English?? If you dig deep enough, there usually is a reason behind the seeming nonsense, but who has the time?

      • I’d love to have time to dig for reasons. I always loved etymology and history and I had a great time during my History of English course. Wish I could do it again! :D

  76. The pineapple does have pointy sticklers like the pinecone, so I could see mistaking one for the other if I had never seen one before. Then, finding it was edible, it’s much like an apple.

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  78. There’s a good one about English language I read days ago:

    In the word “enough”, GH sounds as F
    In the word “women”, O sounds as short I
    In the word “nation”, TI sounds as SH

    Therefore, the word GHOTI, should sound as FISH

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      • mind you, where I come from, we pronounce the “o” in women like “oo” in “cook”.
        I’ve been scrolling down Elana to see if you mentioned what your first language is.
        But since I haven’t seen that bit yet, let me ask you:

        what is your first language?

        As for me, just yesterday I was grumbling to myself about how lazy most native English speakers are about being fluent in another language. Me, among them. Don’t most urban non-native English speakers speak at least two languages!

  88. Love this!! Some of my biggest pet peeves are faults in the English language! I particularly love the ‘humanitarian vs. vegetarian’ cartoon. Very entertaining!

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  90. You might find Freud’s essay, Jokes and their Relation to the Unconscious, and his essay on Parapraxis for some psychoanalytic insight into language and all of its peculiarities. Unless you have already looked at those works.

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  93. And I’ve heard driveways in Ontario referred to as ‘laneways’…?
    You’ve got some very good points here…enjoyed your comments.

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  96. In Swedish, the old word for potato is “earth-pear” and the current, actual word for strawberries is “earth-men”. I don’t know if the latter was named by aliens, but neither one of them really resemble the names they earned. I think you guys hit the jackpot with the pineapple there. At least it is vaguely pine-cone shaped.

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    • In French and Dutch, if you take their word for potato literally it means “apples of earth”. Which I can still kind of get. The same with your “earth-pear”. But “earth-men”? Now where did that one come from? ;) You’re right about the pineapple. It’s vague. People must really have been searching for resemblances when they named it!

      Reply ↓

  109. Great post! My mom used to say this phrase, “I’ve been working as hard as a dog all day.” Until one day I looked out and saw our dog relaxing in the shade and said, “It’s a dog’s life.” But maybe my dog was just “dog tired,” cause he certainly wasn’t “cat napping.”

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  111. I liked the cold as hell, hot as hell dilemma. I say it all the time, and it makes so sense but it’s just part of our culture. I take for granted how complex the English language really is. Good luck foreigners :)

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    • Thank you! That’s excellent! :D
      I have no problems with any of those, luckily. You’re not the only one who mentioned that – maybe it should be in my new post! ;)

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  118. Love your blend of humour, art and words. So tell me, as a struggling cartoonist myself, (unlike yourself – 10,000 hits!) How do you do it? Any tips would be appreciated.

    Marti

    PS. Good to see some cartoons appear on freshly pressed

    Reply ↓

    • I have no real idea how it happened. The… well, 30,000 hits by now (Thanks FP!) mostly just came by themselves while I was just doing my thing. All I did was write about stuff that people can relate to (like missing the bus and stupid everyday sayings), did it regularly and made sure my writing was high quality. Oh yes, and comment on other blogs – that helps!
      Thanks! :D

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  119. This is a great post. By mistake, I was drinking some water when I read the vegetarian/humanitarian one, resulting in quite the mess. Thanks so much for sharing, and you are so right about English!

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  121. I had fun reading this very sensible yet fun post. Talking about another nuance there — if you may qualify that. ;-)

    H’m … I need to desert the comment box now for my dessert in the desert, huh.

    Seriously, that’s one fantastic post. I have all the reasons to like it. You made my day, Lady, and I thank you for that!

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    • I am definitely aware of this. It’s a culture thing, really. I am also aware of the Norse and Germanic mythology which considered Hell to be freezing cold. Then there are the mythologies that tell of the seven layers of hell, each with a different temperature/appearance.
      It still remains funny that the two sayings should co-exist in English.

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  123. What a funny post! As a wannabe writer myself, I never thought about looking at the English language from this angle…to notice just how weird the language I take for granted actually is! My grandma, who immigrated to the United States from the Philippines, has mentioned that learning English was difficult for this very reason…that the reasoning behind many of our words do not make any sense!
    Thank you for enlightening me…and congats on being Freshly Pressed! ;)

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  127. Nice Post. I will recommend this post to others who are asking about the confusing words in the English language.

    BTW, all languages that I hear and read have their own “idiocies”; not only English.

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  129. I love the deser/dessert one, such a classic!
    And about pinecone and apple as pineapple. I guess, since pinecones kind of have a similar shape (being longer, round-ish, uneven) but apples have a taste (I mean, they are eadible and taste like a fruit), that is probably a reason.
    It could however also be pineberry of pineorange or something like that. Just guessing :)
    Hope you have a great day, and thanks for making me laugh :)
    xoxo
    Anna

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  136. I’m in complete agreement with you! I teach ESL and I regularly find myself trying to explain the most ridiculous idioms and expressions. Even some of the rules that seem to make sense don’t really seem useful. For example: the use of capital letters. Of course English is not the only language that requires capital letters but seriously, do we even need them? I can’t think of a single instance where capital letters are absolutely crucial and/or cannot be easily replaced with punctuation or creative dictation.

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    • I, for one, am very fond of my capital letters and it irks me to no end when people use none at all. I don’t know, I think they make things clearer and easier to read. Oh well, I can’t force people to type like I do! ;)
      I think you mean “diction”, by the way! ;)

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  141. EVERYBODY knows that humanitarians eat… humanitables!
    As for freedom fighters, the ones on the other side would probably agree they do fight freedom :/

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  142. Nice post. I think things like this are common in every language. What annoys me more in English are the different pronunciations of similar words, e.g. nature – mature, through – trough, etc. Easy to make mistakes here.

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  144. I love this!! I love the English language, it’s so tricky. Such words like tough (tuff), dough (doe) and through (threw) make this language one of the hardest to learn as they all look the same! Thanks for posting!

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  148. Haha! One of the funniest blogs I’ve read! The English language is indeed strange at times but that’s what makes it charming ;-)

    I am learning Swedish at the moment and they have some very strange sayings as well.. When I hear them I just look at the person and think “Huh? That makes no sense!” Then I read stuff like this and realise I probably sound strange to Swedes sometimes LOL

    pipkinera

    pipkinera.wordpress.com

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  149. I do sympathise with people who are not native English speakers yet have to learn it. It’s a complete minefield. Being an English speaker can also be a nightmare when learning a foreign language too, even with the best of intentions…………………….. “What, there’s no word for “etiolated” ? ”
    Good post. :)

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  151. I love, love, love, love this post! As a teacher to younger children, the craziness of the English language is confusing and hard to explain!

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  156. For someone like me whose first language isn’t English, it is quite difficult sometimes to make sense of the things I see and hear in the English language, like Pineapple. I have asked my friends about that but nobody can come up with a good explanation LOL. My favorite of all is “cold as hell”, I just used that phrase a few minutes ago when I got out of a taxi :) .
    Great post!

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  157. I laughed SO hard. When I learned English in elementary school in Hungary, these were kind of the exact questions that popped up in my brain. :)
    Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

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  160. There’s emphasis:
    I don’t objéct to óbjects.

    Why is God ómnipresent, ómniscient and yet also omnípotent?

    And then there’s spelling: my surname has ough in it, which could be any of ten pronunciations! (it’s actually uf as in enough, rough, tough etc. although another variation could be)

    According to one person (can’t remember his name) fish could be spelt ‘ghoti’ if you take gh from enough, o from women and ti from station!

    I got frustrated with English (despite it being my first language) but I just remind myself that languages aren’t always logical, and if they were then communication would be fairly two dimensional lol. I mean, humans aren’t 100% logical, so why should our languages? ;)

    Loved the post.

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      • *sigh* Yes. Just as you think you’ve got everything about the language nailed down, along comes things like these.
        It was George Bernard Shaw who said that.
        That’s true. Thanks! :)

  162. Love how well you illustrated the idiocy of the English language with cartoons… thank you! I am sure we can find some silly ones for French too, especially homophones…. like in English: “coach” and “couch”…. so close!

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    • I’m glad you like them!
      I’ve seen so many people write “I’m sitting on the coach”, which of course brings to mind several inappropriate images! :P

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  163. I got an image on Facebook which said “English doesn’t borrow words, it follows other languages down dark alleys, mugs them and searches their pockets for loose grammar.

    Part of its inconsistnecy is that it’ll borrow a word, keep the spelling, and to some extent the pronunciation but with anglo-phone accent. If you go to London and hear someone say they went to Ibiza, it might come out “uybeefa” lol.

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  166. It’s very interesting and for myself, i always wonder why this word is being called a ‘good’bye, as if it’s a ‘good’ thing, when the literal meaning for it (which is ‘separation’) is usually a ‘bad’ thing.

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  167. I like this and it was cute. I love the cartoons. I understand what you are getting at, but pineapples resemble a pine cone and they also look like an apple.

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  168. Honestly, every language is wildly inconsistent and full of nuances that could take a lifetime to learn. The trouble with English is that it is SO prevalent, that different groups of people all over the world have formed their own special idioms of it, and now, given globalization, they come into contact far more frequently and thus sow greater confusion. BUT THAT’S A GREAT THING. Trying to fix a language’s form kills the ever-changing living aspect of it (as happened with Latin).

    I know I took this a little heavy, but I’m an English major, what the hell do you expect ;)

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  169. my issues with language are more about pronunciation. for example, it drives me nuts how many different pronunciations there are for the letter combination “-ough.”

    through – “throo”
    rough – “ruff”
    bough – “bow”
    cough – “cawf”

    then add a “t” on the end, and “thought” becomes “thawt.”

    grrrrr

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  170. (Christian-Comment) Haha, well … don’t be afraid, it’s not just the crazy Englishmen :)
    A German insurance agent has to “arrest” his customer. No, for real! Just translate “verhaften”, and that’s just the word Germans use when they speak of selling an insurance.

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  171. When in college, people would ask me “Do you go here?” I would look at them perplexed and say “I can’t possibly GO here. I AM here. You can only go elsewhere, right?” Oh English as a second language, as long as you don’t try to make sense of it you’ll be fine.

    Loved your post.

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  175. I’m spanish and I can say, having learned English studying it, it’s difficult to remember the differences of des[s]erts and their pronunciations. I can learn the rules and remember them for 1 or 2 hours, but I ALWAYS forget them. arghh

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  176. ok…I only have time to explain one cause I have other more pressing obsessions to attend to:

    Boxing RIng: originally fighting was bare fisted and the audience stood around the combatants in a “ring” cause that is the most effecient way to view something like that….people never spontaneously form themselves into squares…it’s in our DNA…we have technology to thank for the “square”…we should have stopped right there…

    As for the rest of the English language…clearly…it’s hopeless….

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    • That is very interesting about the boxing ring. And it is also interesting that the term survived long after rings were no longer round nor made up of people…

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  178. The hot as hell / cold as hell part made me giggle. But did you know that prior to Dante’s Inferno (or at least I’m pretty sure that was the catalyst, it’s been awhile since I took that humanities class), medieval art and writings depicted hell as being frozen? So in a way… BOTH are true, depending on how you look at it!

    Thanks for the smile today. I’m definitely going to be following this blog now!

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    • Yes, I did know that. It had its roots in the Germanic and Norse mythologies, which depicted Hell as full of ice and darkness.
      Thanks for following! :)

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  184. Well done, Elana! Fantastic drawings and excellent food for thought…hearty congrats on getting Freshly Pressed.. :)

    Just a passing thought… There’s no egg in eggplant. And, if the plural of goose is geese, shouldn’t the plural of moose be meese?? :lol:

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  185. Interesting post, but also interesting would be: What is it with you and Great Britain? You wrote that you’ve never been there, but you would have liked to be born there? Why?

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    • I seem to have a bit of an obsession about it, yes. I think it must come from my eternal fascination with the English language. I want to see where the language was born!

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  188. Love it! I so agree! English is my second language and while I’m pretty good at spelling, grammar, etc I am often baffled by those same words you’ve mentioned! Congrats on being FP too :-)

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  191. I am really interested in the English language, and spend a hell of a lot of my time (way too much!) arguing with people about spelling, grammar, syntax, word order, and the Oxford comma. This is an interesting blog post, but I disagree that the English language is inferior to any others, or ‘idiotic’.

    It is very difficult that English is pretty much a mumbo jumbo of other languages and the writings of some of our most beloved writers… but I believe it shows off our multiculturalism and our ability to adapt and continue. Ideally everything would be codified, but our language is so interwoven now that there’s absolutely no way of changing it. I say stick with traditionalism, but that’s just me…

    Anyway, interesting post!

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    • So do I: I argue about it way too much! ;)
      I was actually being sarcastic when I called it idiotic. I don’t really think that. In truth the language fascinates me and I love it – even these idiosyncrasies.

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  194. Nice post. I especially liked the part about the vegetarian and humanitarian. Sharing these sayings with students can be really fun and can really get them thinking, thus challenging and questioning what we understand about the complexity of the English language.

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  196. I’ve always found the english language rather peculiar. It often occurs to me when i see a misuse of they’re/there/their or any of the other common but easily avoidable misuses that it may not completely be the authors fault. Our language seems to be written to trick us into using the wrong word often. I recently met a french girl who spoke english quite well, but often she would misuse a word that seems to make sense but simply does not. I foudn your humor of the language as a shared thought with myself, and quite humorous. Keep Writing :)

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    • Yes, I know. The misuse still irks me, though. I always want to say that if I learned how to do it properly, why not everyone else. Ah well, if they did, I wouldn’t have a job! ;)
      Thanks!

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  204. Loved your cartoons. English is my second language, so I am acutely aware of strange discrepancies. One which I have always considered very odd may inspire another cartoon. The words: pretty and awful. Put them together and you can say “awful pretty” or “pretty awful.”

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  211. lol!! I have to agree about the oddities of the english language (but I like being able to say “I didn’t know it meant that! I thought it meant this” when I get confused (which is an almost normal state for me :) ) so I won’t complain)
    You have some great drawings! They’re really cute!!

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  214. Great post!

    The German language is sometimes as crazy as English.
    You take a walk around the block in English while you take a walk around the pudding in German.

    Please don’t ask me why?

    -Anja

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  217. I think this is the original you refer to:

    Let’s face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
    English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
    If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

    In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day an cold as hell another?

    When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

    When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

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  219. My job is teaching Korean students the English language. They sometimes ask me why so many things in English are inconsistent. I tell them it’s because our language is haunted.

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  221. Pingback: That was *yaaaaaaawwwn* fun! « Tripping over Pebbles in the dark

  225. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! What an interesting article!
    Something just popped up in my head:
    “The title says it all, but a title can’t speak!”
    Its not as good as your article but definitely follows the brief.
    Have a good time! :)

    Reply ↓

    • Ah, that’s another of those senseless things that enter ordinary language to such a degree that we don’t even notice it anymore!
      Thank you! :)

      Reply ↓

  228. In French the word for “pinecone” is “pomme de pin” — you guessed it, “pine apple.” Akin to “pomme de terre” — “earth apple” = potato. But when you get fries at your meal (of course, they don’t call them French fries), usually they’re just called “pommes frites”…which is literally “fried apples” if you think about it. English isn’t the only language with weird expressions!

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    • That was so interesting! Thanks for sharing! Hmm, I sense another connection between French and English… Though a “pineapple” is “l’ananas”, if I remember correctly…?
      That’s very true!

      Reply ↓

  229. I love this! I always had a hard time in my English classes (even as a native speaker!), and there was so much I didn’t get until I started learning other languages. Ironically, English was easier when translated into German…

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  230. Love it! I see this all the time when trying to help people learn languages. (And when I’m speaking Spanish.) There are also just so many phrases that do not compute. It makes explaining things difficult.

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  231. Pingback: WHOA! « friday night dinner project

  236. AIR…we breath.
    E’ER…contraction of ever.
    ERE…eventually
    ERR…to make a mistake.
    HEIR…one who will inherit
    ARE…1/100th of a hectare

    then

    BOAR…wild pig.
    BOER…South African of Dutch decent.
    BORE…not interesting.
    BORE…to tunnel.
    BOOR…tastless buffoon.

    or

    CARAT..weight of precious stones.
    CARET…proof readers insertion mark.
    CARROT…edible root.
    KARAT…1/24th part of otherwise pure gold .

    and

    CLAUS…fat guy with presents.
    CLAUSE…contractual unit.
    CLAWS..big fingernails.

    …..and hundreds more.

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  237. Pingback: Writer cartoon | Finappx

  238. Your post made me think about something I heard in college years ago. I would like someone to tell me: Why if it is tough enough in the rough, do we not “cough” (cuff) when we have a cold?????? Think about it for a second and then blame our bowler wearing, fog breathing, umbrella carrying, wrong side of the road driving cousins across the pond! Great toons and great reasoning. Cheerie-O old girl! J.

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  241. English is pretty funny and full of strange sayings. I remember a book when I was a little girl that was called Chocolate Moose for Dinner or something like that. It was all about sayings that seem hilariously weird when taken literally (or how they sound anyway).

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    • Obviously I immediately had a picture of a chocolate moose (the animal) in my head, just because that is the way it works! ;)
      Thanks for commenting!

      Reply ↓

  243. I loved this! It touched on a lot of things I have always wondered about. Like words that are related. Such as, horror and terror or horrible and terrible. What about horrific and terrific?

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  245. Hehhehee… don’t you just love the English language? Have you read Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson? If not, do have a read – it is hilarious!
    Great Post!

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  246. Pingback: I ‘Pressed This’ « thepeasantsdaughter

  250. Hahaha, so true. Other English-speaking countries have funny words too, such as in Australia where a garage or parking lot is called a car park. Imagine that, a park for cars! Do you let your car run free like your dog when you take it to the dog park?

    Reply ↓

  252. Haha – Love it. I taught ESL in Taiwan for a while and know firsthand the challenges of teaching the English language. I especially like the word “bow”.

    Is it a bow tie?
    The bow of a ship?
    Taking a bow?
    A bow and arrow?
    Lil’ Bow Wow?

    Reply ↓

  253. There is subliminal “education” in this post! I may learn the ambiguities of the English language yet and laugh in the process! Thanks for your hilarious drawings and your “right-on” assessment of our creative language.

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  254. Because I can’t resist:
    Why is abbreviation such a long word? What about monosyllabic?
    Why is it called a television set if you only get one?
    If two louses are lice and two mouses are mice, why aren’t two houses hice?
    Why are fat chance and slim chance the same thing?
    Why do we say something is out of whack? What even is a whack?

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  255. Hahahaha…
    you really open my eyes….no actually i open myself ***worry wrong word with***….
    make me laugh….
    its really cool… brilliant Elena.. love all post

    Risty

    Reply ↓

  257. Pingback: Passed my classes? « 24.15 °N 120.68°E

  268. Ha. I was just discussing these things with some Brazilian friends last night. It’s hard to give a logical explanation so I just kind of say, “yeah, that’s how it is.” English is a funny language with endless possibilities. Good stuff.

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  270. Highlighting asinine words and phrases always gets laughs from 8 and 9-year-old critical thinkers. I can’t wait to share these illustrations with my students next week. Thanks!

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  272. To add to you idiocy list:
    I can’t get over the fact I hear “The alarm goes off” If I can hear it, It goes on, right?
    As a foreigner I always wondered why!

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  274. Nice post.
    Think most languages has these kind of funny weird aspects. Like when we Danish people in Danish say that a person have “slept out” it means they’re fully rested. When a person have “slept in” in means… they’re dead.

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  277. Pingback: Palavra da semana em Ingles – Idiocy – Retardamento mental « Josivaldo's Blog

  282. haha – Pine + Apple lol.
    These drawings are very funny but if you sit and think about it. It’s so true and you are spot on.
    Great job Elana!!

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  285. Dear Elana, like yourr cartoon, briliiant…deeply meaning n simple..really fun to know english language even sometimes silly and many confusing especialy people like me, which english isnt mother language. any way Great post n creativ minded

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  286. Hahaha, being an ESL teacher, I appreciate this greatly. There are so many times when I have to just explain “I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but that’s how it is.”

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  287. What a lovely blog, from a lovely writer. Fun and informative = winning combo! Thanks for putting this out there!

    P.S. I’ve started a wordpress photo-blog and was playing around with background images. Mine keeps getting repeated as a pattern, and I noticed that yours is just perfect. Could you tell me what size your original background image is in pixels and maybe where I can go to get more info on the technical side of setting-up a blog? Thank you very much far any info you can help me with!!

    Reply ↓

  289. I have to agree with you on every point. Being an English major, I am on the front lines of this barrage of confusion and ridiculousness. But I must say, being able to use these insanities effectively is a source of pleasure for me. Language is power, and since I live in a supposedly English-speaking country, it would be beneficial for me to wield this power.

    However, I did laugh a lot with this post. Congratulations!

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  294. Yeah English is kind of weird sometimes. There’s also mad as hell, but I think Hell would be one hell of a party though. I mean think about it why would Satan punish his peeps?

    Nice post.

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  296. Only in English does the phrase “he/she is pretty ugly” make sense. The same idiom exists in German but it usually denotes something positive (as it would to any sensible person).

    Thanks for posting, I love thinking about this weird language stuff.

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  297. “Union” is a labor group. “Onion” is pronounced like “UNion”! It is the beauty of intercultural linguistics over time. Kudos on being Pressed like freshly mowed grass!

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  298. Ha ha ha! I’m an ESL teacher and I usually encounter problems explaining to my students some of the things you have mentioned in your post, especially the one about the pineapple. ^^

    Reply ↓

  300. Pingback: “The Idiocy of the English Language” | 1curiouswolf

  302. Pingback: 10 Classical Indianisms… « Chandra Teja U

  307. Pingback: English is a strange language (or some people call it idiotic) « Mata Satu

  308. If the opposite of Pro is Con
    Does that mean Congress is against Progress?

    And if you want to hang someone or something, once it’s done you’ve hanged a person and hung a painting.

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  312. Reblogged this on Mel Noir's Blog and commented:
    I think about this kind of stuff probably as much as the person who wrote this does. The English language is beautiful, but like a lot of beautiful people it doesn’t make a lot of sense sometimes.

    Reply ↓

  313. Great one!
    One of my pet peeves about the English language is that the present and past tense of read are spelled the same, yet sound different.

    “Did you read that? Yes I read it yesterday.”

    Really the past tense should be spelled red IMO.

    Reply ↓

    • You have a point, but if it was spelled “red” then we probably would have gotten confused with the colour red. “Have you red the red book?” ;)
      Thanks for stopping by! :D

      Reply ↓

  320. Hey I like your style and talents your welcome to view my blog which except for the writer’s vault isn’t updated but once a month It’s more of a magazine based on a book I published. Everything is original my photos sketches paintings articles and poetry. It would mean alot to me if you check it out and leave comment especially Art & Words. http://www.etherealtimes.com
    Thanx miracaman.
    By the way even my avatar is a original sketch.

    Reply ↓

  322. I would like to display your poem ‘Let’s Face It. English Is a Stupid Language.’ in our school exhibition. I teach EFL in a rural school in eastern India. Your full name is Ilsanya Elana , I presume. I hope you have no objection.

    Reply ↓

    • I did not write that poem, so I cannot give permission for the use of it. I have no idea who wrote it, though. All that I wrote was this blog post and I drew the cartoons. That is all that I own. The poem has been on the internet for so long now that I don’t know if anyone would object if you used it.
      And my name is not Ilsanya Elana. ;) Elana is my first name, but I’m not giving my last over the internet.

      Reply ↓

  325. If possible, I would like to display this entire essay on ‘The Idiocy of the English Language’ in our school exhibition scheduled to be held in May. Our kids will enjoy your wonderful cartoons. Please let me know if you have any objection.

    Reply ↓

  330. I just joined wordpress today and came upon your blog. It’s cute and funny :) Also, on a complete side-note, I would happily live IN a dessert, if it were a chocolatey dessert. It might be sticky, but think how wonderful it would be. I would want to be able to go visit a pizza once in a while though- all that sweetness would be sickening otherwise :P

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  331. great post. enjoyed the illustrations. I,m from India and English is widely spoken here and it acquires the sounds and nuances of the region and gets influenced by the local language creating even greater confusion and sometimes hilarious sounding sentences. for e.g in Gujarat(west India) ‘hall’ gets pronounced as ‘hole’ and the rest I’ll leave to your imagination (my house has a big hall where we can party)..:-)

    Reply ↓

    • It is very true that so many dialects of English have developed by now that some of them can sound quite strange to those unused to it.
      Thanks for commenting!

      Reply ↓

  333. You have captured the idiocy well. May sound difficult to believe, I have experienced the “humanitarian” misuse first-hand. In fact, I found it so funny that I have used it as an example in a short training programme I used to run. I have worked in Call Centres for many years and have built-up a fair repository of language bloomers. An example : saying “I am covering up for Neeta” which means “Neeta has goofed up and I am trying to do damage control” instead of “I am covering for Neeta” which means “Neeta is off sick today and I am standing in”. An interesting subject.

    Reply ↓

    • Thank you! Hehe, that’s a funny anecdote, thanks for sharing! :lol: I always giggle about the “I’m sitting on the coach/couch” typo that I see so often. Big difference – the same with your example. :D

      Reply ↓

  336. Great post! I’ve been studying in China for the last four years and never really get a chance to talk freely in English. I’m glad I picked up English easily as a kid. I can imagine how hard it must be for some to learn with all these rules that seem to make no sense.

    I was thinking I looked fly until I saw a fly sitting on my fly

    that’s my little contribution :P

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  339. You seem to be confusing English and the Microsoft invention “American English”. Only Americans call it a “parkway”. We English call it a road ;-)

    Not that I’m defending the language, it’s full of strange words and meanings like the others you mention!

    I hate Halloween – I can’t tell which witch is which!

    Reply ↓

    • Unfortunately that is still English. And people still use expressions like that, however silly they sound to the rest of us!
      And I call it a road too, by the way. ;)
      You could always try using some witch-hazel to identify those witches – which, incidentally, has no connotation with witches! :lol:

      Reply ↓

  341. Nice post, It made me laugh. I’ve found other idocies in my experiences too. Just with things around the house mostly. A hot water heater. Why would we heat water that is already hot?

    If you’re disabled or pregnant at an air port you get to “pre-board” the plane. How do you board the plane before you board the plane?

    -III
    http://www.CardinalPlaylists.com

    Reply ↓

    • Yes, it should just be called a water heater if things made sense like that! But they don’t… ;)
      I’ve never thought about “pre-board” that way before, but thanks for opening my eyes! Hehe. :lol:

      Reply ↓

  342. Wow! This is the first post I’ve ever read on wordpress…and I loved it :) I’ve just started my own blog up after reading yours.I was reading your blog on my phone so I couldn’t see your theme…but after creating my own account from my laptop and coming back to yours, I’ve realized that we have the same theme…such a big coincidence :)

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  343. Very interesting blog. I have one for you that I composed when we lived in Quebec. When francophones thought they were getting on well in English, I asked them to read this little rhyme:

    It’s rough enough through the slough, though the boughs are falling down
    but we ought to take thought and bring a plough to plow a trough
    in which the water can be caught.

    It kept them humble. :)

    Reply ↓

    • I just tried to pronounce it (of course I would). Phew… stumbled badly over my own tongue there! Especially the first line. Haha, thanks for sharing! :)

      Reply ↓

  347. With regards to the “hot as Hell” and “cold as Hell” … it has to do with Dante’s INFERNO where he describes the many different levels found in Hell. It’s kind of like a high-rise for evil doers. ;-)

    Reply ↓

    • Well, I wouldn’t say that it HAS to have something to do with the Inferno. I don’t know if anyone has done any research to see if these sayings originated before, after or at the same time as Dante’s writing. It could just as easily be the influence from another culture, or perhaps one of those untraceable things that sometimes pop up in languages.

      Reply ↓

  357. Well after having two cars totaled in my driveway, by others driving there… I have decided that not everyone is clear on the concept of parking in driveways! Try explaining to your insurance company how your car or in my case 2 cars were totaled while parked in my driveway? Hehe!

    Although I have often wondered when I go to the City, why freeways are called freeways when no-one is hardly moving from the amount of traffic.

    Hey since you are a writer, I just want to let you know that we are sponsoring a writing contest for charity, on my other blog at http://www.the777man.com

    Peace and harmony
    Sallyjane

    Reply ↓

    • Maybe you had better sit those people down and explain to them the subtleties of the English language! ;)
      Yes, the freeway is hardly “free”…

      Reply ↓

  359. Great points on the oddities of English language. I believe these oddities make our language fun and add extra levels of precision to our speech. Just look at all of the nouns we have turned into verbs. Just using the names of body parts we’ve created a whole new world of verbs. We can eye a new car, toe a line, elbow our way through a crowd, nose around the office, stomach a gross situation, and many more. How we evolve our language is very silly indeed.

    Reply ↓

    • Yes, it does indeed make it more fun – especially to try and learn it! ;)
      Be careful that I do not give you the cold shoulder! ;)
      Thanks for commenting!

      Reply ↓

  360. A plan for the improvement of spelling in the English language (by Mark Twain)

    For example, in Year 1 that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s”, and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform “w” spelling, so that “which” and “one” would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish “y” replasing it with “i” and iear 4 might fiks the “g/j” anomali wonse and for all.

    Generally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeiniing voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez “c”, “y” and “x”— bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez —tu riplais “ch”, “sh”, and “th” rispektivili.

    Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

    I grabbed this from http://www.plainlanguage.gov/index.cfm Yeah, dot-gov! Ha! ha! I think they have their work cut out for them.

    Always thought this was a bit “idiotic” as well :)

    Raise – to build up a thing
    Raze – to tear down a thing
    Rays – light or radiance from a thing….so what exactly are we up too?

    Reply ↓

  361. Pingback: What makes a blog post good? | Discordant Diversions

  366. xixixii…it’s very funny language. thanks for sharing, if u don’t mind, i want to share this article to my friends, is it OK?

    Reply ↓

  367. WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD TO LEARN
    We must polish the Polish furniture.
    He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    The farm was used to produce produce.
    The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
    This was a good time to present the present.
    A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    I did not object to the object.
    The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    The bandage was wound around the wound.
    There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    They were too close to the door to close it.
    The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
    To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear.
    I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
    I read it once and will read it again
    I learned much from this learned treatise.
    I was content to note the content of the message.
    The Blessed Virgin blessed her. Blessed her richly.
    It’s a bit wicked to over-trim a short wicked candle.
    If he will absent himself we mark him absent.
    I incline toward bypassing the incline.

    Reply ↓

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